Ouch to me... 
Well, I found blood-sucking ticks in some of your descriptions as well. Heh, heh, heh... 
- Mirage
It grabs your wrists
And twists and twists
It makes up lies and rips up skies
It kills and cries and tries and tries
So desperately to hurt you
I’ve fallen down
And, I’ll admit, I’ve missed a kiss
Missed a fist aimed straight at me
And it constantly is dragging me down
On my fortress’s doors it pounds
It pounds, it pounds with cleat-clad feet
It tries to make its own ends meet
But I cannot allow it too
For then I would have to meet it, too
It’s killed me over five times or more
And I’ve tried so desperately to stand and soar
But it pokes and prods
It adds the odds
It drives my life and sanity
Recklessly I try to break free
For it has not a grip on me
But I still refuse to let go
Since there is nothing else I know
It’s a pain and won’t play fair
It likes to have the lives on bets
It purges my innocence with no cares
It taxes rides with inflated fares
And yet it still refuses to share
Because some people really are more equal then others, after all
So toss your mask and enjoy the ball
It’s a loosing battle, and help can’t come to call
When it controls the midnight
I’ve fought it once, I’ve fought before
It seems sometimes I’ve won the war
But then it strikes back in twice a rhyme
It steals and kills without a crime
For what’s a crime upon a crime
The crime of being the it that is called time
Ouch to me... Well, I found blood-sucking ticks in some of your descriptions as well. Heh, heh, heh...
- Mirage
I believe it was actually "ticks" as in "ticks of a clock". I was talking about time. Sad to say I used to write like this...hah
It's been a looooooooooong time since anyone replied to this... but I felt the need to look at such and accomplished poet's first bit of posted work.
When Noxious says, "is it about a ticks or some kind of monster?", I would say that she was trying to give the idea that ticks are mosters. I personally thought that the vision I recieved was a fairly good description of ticks. I think some of her ideas were sort of far fetched, but I think the poem over all worked out fine. Just thought I'd say that, I'm no critic, but I have opinions of my own...
- Mirage
1) It was good.
2) Some lines didn't make sense.
3) I don't know what the poems is about ticks or some kind of a monster?
4) The best bits were at the start.
Hmmm....it's good, but some of the lines are a bit too long, and overall it's a bit longwinded, but I like the idea, and some of the lines are good
xanthan gum wrote:I’ve fought it once, I’ve fought before
It seems sometimes I’ve won the war
But then it strikes back in twice a rhyme
It steals and kills without a crime
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